My Soul is Tired of My Life

By Odon Bulamba




The following is a summary of Odon's message typed as he spoke (not the full version).

I would like first of all to welcome all of you in the powerful name of Jesus as a special guest of Jesus.  You are welcome as a friend, daughter and son of God and may God bless you.  We gather here this morning for one purpose because God is love, that is it.  Because God is love and because of his love, He brings us together to worship Him and spend some time with Him.  For those who are lucky, they have time to spend with their parents.  Imagine a child growing up without parents.  How does that affect them?  How does it affect their life?  We are blessed as children of God to grow up with our Father.

Job 10:1

Job was human being, a man and we don’t know his child hood but we know he was blessed and had everything he needed.  Suddenly, God decided to allow satan to play with his life.  Imagine as a son of God, your Father says, I will allow satan to step in your life and take control of a few things of your life.  We all know who satan is.  We all hate to hear that satan has stepped in our business. But we when God says, I will open the door for satan to visit you for five days to bring disaster, as a human being, you might say, “what, God do you really love me?  How can you give my life to satan to muck around with it?”  It’s hard but everything is possible for God.

 

Job said that his soul hates his life, “my soul is tired of my life”.  Have you reached a point where you feel you hate your life and you can’t take it anymore?  Have you reached a point in your life where everything is turning from where everything was good and suddenly it is bad.  Many people will stand up and say, “In Jesus’ name, satan go away”, but God says, “No I’m the one allowing it, because I love you”.

 

God was proud of Job so he allowed satan to do something to Job, “I love him and I trust him, he can’t give up”.  Satan says, “you know very well Robbie, he is only serving you because you protect him”.  When God says, “go ahead satan step in this person’s life”, satan will take it seriously and he will know where to start and where to touch.  When you win the battle, satan goes back to God and says, “it’s because you didn’t allow me to touch a certain part”.  Then you will see your life is a battle after a battle.  It’s no longer a test but a big battle with those around us making our life difficult and there are problems everywhere.  Day after day you start to pull your hair out because things are getting tougher and tougher.

 

For Job, the first event was ok.  He managed it.  Then two mins later, a bigger event, and then his children and then he found it was hard and asked, “where should I go to find a solution?”  The Bible says that he cried and tore his clothes and started to moan and didn’t know where to go.  When you are crossing a problem, where do you take your refuge?  “God help me”.  God says, “you have to handle the situation”.  Some may try to find a witch. 

 

You explain to a friend your situation and they say, “sorry, I will pray for you.” but in her heart she has her own problems.  You ask a friend to advise your husband.  The friend will say, “it will be alright, seek counselling”.  You go to counsellor and they ask you many questions and diagnose you as having a disorder while it is a spiritual problem.  Medicine will never fix a test from God.  You can go to any pharmacy and there will be no medicine (if the matter is spiritual rather than physical).

 

Job was proud of his God.  Job was a friend of God but God didn’t let the test go. God sent friends who were believers and said, “you must be a sinner that is why you are paying the price”.  When you are going through hardship, you need people to support you, to sit next to you and pray with you but we are the first ones to say, “now you are paying the price for what you did”.  Imagine if Ange’s mum tells her, “that is your fault you are crossing this situation”.  How will Ange feel?  “Because I trust you mum, you are the only one who can help but you disappoint me”.

 

Job was disappointed with his friends.  When those around you show you that you are wrong, they tell you that God is not with you and maybe you should divorce that God.  While I was in Congo recently, a young girl asked me, “why are you complaining?”  I was complaining because I went to a church and shared a message in Congo around the 12^th January this year.  I spoke on Mathew 5, blessed are those with clean hearts.  That was God speaking to the church.  The pastor came to me and said we will have our communion now and I want you to lead the communion because the message was so touching. 

 

More than 70% in that church were on their knees crying to God and it was a big church with a few thousand people and I felt it was a privilege to lead communion.  I was presented with a glass of wine and I wanted to take it but I doubted whether I should.  I took it anyway.  The person took the glass away and brought a new one for the rest of the congregation.  A few minutes later, my mouth started to feel itchy.  My tongue started to swell.  I rushed to hospital and was told I was given poison and that I have less than 48hours to live.  There were not regular flights to the hospital for treatment.

 

When I complained to that young girl in Congo, she said, “that is nothing what you went through.  Think about me, when I was four years old, my parents fled the country”.  The young girl has been raped more than 250 times and if you talk about all the problems she has faced, we will cry.  She told me, “Your problem is like cutting fingernails.  When God pushed me to be treated like a slave, like an animal, I couldn’t smile for 20 years”.  She didn’t smile for the first time until she was 24.  The first time she got to meet with her dad, she was 27 years old.  What did she do wrong? Was she a sinner?  Some will say she is cursed, she is reaping what she sowed.

 

Maybe your problem is not a curse or a result of sin.  God allows you to be there because He loves you and He wants to prove to satan that this one is my child, go ahead and you will see that she will not sin against me.  Most of the time we complain when we cross hard times.  Job was always glorifying God.  When you go through hardship do you remember the presence of God or do you feel like God doesn’t exist?

 

There is nothing more precious than our lives.  When you start to feel your soul doesn’t like your life, should you kill yourself?  Should we quit everything and stay the way I am.  What step will you take? Drugs, alcohol, night clubbing?  Because of love, God has given me and you the chance to be given a crown one day and that crown will be according to the victory that you gained.  If you are someone who gives up the battle, who will fight for you?  God is in control, remember that.

 

Job told his wife, now I am healed and he was blessed more than before.  God starts to bless us now more than before.  Why didn’t Job just divorce his wife?  When he was going through hardship, she was not a good wife.  The friends were not good friends.  Some times our judgements can be wrong.  Job continued with his wife and friends and his life was blessed.

 

Do you want to be blessed?  We all want God to shine in our lives but when God wants us to shine the light for His Kingdom in this world, we don’t want to because we believe it is hard work.  Light doesn’t shine without heat or fire.  When you touch fire, it hurts.  God wants us to shine and in order to shine He will start a small fire, maybe in your feet and you can’t walk anymore due to the pain.  Then satan says, that is not enough, let me give her pain in the back.  You used to bend down but now you can’t and walking is impossible.  Doctors will give medicine but it doesn’t work.

 

Then you can’t sleep and in the morning you have to go to work with the boss on your shoulders and you feel like quitting.  Maybe under your breath you will abuse your boss.  You go outside for lunch and you drop it on the floor and you feel very angry.  God looks at you to see how you will handle the situation.

 

In English the word job means work which means you have to use your strength both physical and mental.  I have a job for you, doesn’t mean you will enjoy it, you will probably sweat.  When you were born, you had everything with parents and family and at some stage God started to change your life and you feel the responsibilities.  At the age of six, you didn’t know the cost of jeans.  At the age of 7, your mum tells you to practise piano and no matter how much you fight your mum will insist.  For example, today Ange can play the piano really well, all because her mum pushed her to practise.  What Ange learnt 20 years ago is a remedy for our souls and glorifies God.  If Lois didn’t push her, where would Ange be today?  The work had to be done before getting the result could be there.

 

For Job, after doing the work and going through all those horrible things, he says, “Praise be Your Name”.  Do you praise God when things go dark or when you miss the opportunity or when you are sick.  Maybe you will complain, “I hate my life, I hate what I have been living”.  We men can sometimes be bad to our wives.  We treat them like tennis balls throwing them away and women have to build the families.  How tough is your man?  You know the secret of your house.  Jesus is the man of the church and treats us toughly not to be mean but to teach us.  You go to God and He pushes you away. God sends you away to practise like Lois did to Ange.

 

You feel like you have been learning and committed but it doesn’t work.  I was happy at the beginning to learn piano but after some time, I felt like giving up.  When we are saved, we are happy but after a few months we feel it is a burden to belong to Jesus.  “For those that want to follow after Me, they have to carry their cross”.  How heavy is your cross?  Don’t compare your cross to someone else.  Yours can be plastic and someone else can be metal or wood but only Jesus can help you carry the cross.  Don’t feel like hating your life, put that aside and ask God to help you to live your life. 

 

The special gift that God has given us is life and after life, it is gain to die.  Is your life Christ?  If yes, praise God.  If not, tell Jesus, “I want my life to be You”.  How can life become Christ?  By forgetting everything and putting Jesus before everything. 

 

A man said, “I have been doing good,” and Jesus said, “Give your belongings to Jesus”.  Are you ready to give up something?  What have you given up?  Pride, talking to people badly, thinking negatively.  Most people think to enter the Kingdom of God is when you are not a sinner but many Muslims try very hard to live a life of morals but unless they have given their life to Jesus, they won’t enter the Kingdom of God.  You have to give up everything and give your whole life to Jesus.

 

Job said he was sorry and regretted the day he was born.  Have you regretted the day you were born?  What you are going through is hard but God, Your Lord, loves you and there is a season for that and it will finish.  Everything under the sun, there is a time for it.  A time to eat and then a time for vomiting, a time for laughing and then a time for crying, time for sickness and then a time for healing.  Most of us don’t want the negative things.  When hard things come we don’t accept it.  Love our enemies and pray for them.