Kindness

By Trish and Hayley Boud

Proverbs 31:26, “She opens her mouth with Wisdom, and her Tongue is the law of Kindness”

JAMES 3:13, show your wisdom through deeds done in humility.  So the woman in proverbs 31 not only shows wisdom in her actions but also through her words.  When she opens her mouth it speaks of wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  Many women are kind in their actions but their mouths ruin it.  Mothers are kind to their children by making their lunches, picking them up from school, helping them with their homework but then they ruin it by speaking harshly, or by yelling at their children.  For example, a friend of mine genuinely wanted to show kindness by helping foster children and she opened her home to them.  She spent the day cleaning her house in order to provide a nice clean home for her foster children but when the first one arrived home, the young girl walked inside with her shoes on and made two footprints on the wooden floor.  My friend became angry and growled at her.  The kindness of cleaning the house and taking care of the girl was replaced with anger. The lady should have first said, “hello, how are you, how was your day? Can you please remove your shoes, thank you” and the girl would have seen wisdom from heaven and she might have given her life to Christ.  We have to open our mouths with wisdom which means it will be full of kindness.

I’ve seen wives do the same for their husbands.  They spend the day cleaning the house and cooking to show their good deeds done in humility proving they are wise but the moment the husband walks in the door their mouths ruin it.  They complain, they argue, they annoy and nag.  They destroy all the kindness they did, the whole day’s worth of good deeds is destroyed by their mouths and they don’t even understand it.  They will even say, “he doesn’t appreciate all that I do” and it’s simply because the woman has made it impossible for the man to appreciate it.

For example, once when I was extremely sick and I desperately needed a doctor urgently, I rang a friend and asked if she could help take me to the dr.  She came immediately and she waited in the waiting room with me and then drove me home.  Her actions were incredibly kind and wise because if I hadn’t gone to the dr, it might have ended seriously so she had wisdom and kindness in her actions.  But then as I was about to get out of her car she complained, “now I don’t have time to do my housework”.  Her few words destroyed everything. 

So, let’s be careful that our words match our actions.  If we are working for the Lord, don’t ruin it with our mouths. 

The Dictionary meaning of kindness means: being gentle, and caring, as with a child or with family. Warm hearted, and considerate. 

HEBREW MEANING OF KINDNESS: love and forgiveness -  if we have love and forgive we will talk with kindness and wisdom.  Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

E.g. husband comes home late, instead of saying, “where have you been, I’ve been waiting over an hour, why couldn’t you call, I’ve been slaving over a hot stove for you all day and now the dinner is ruined, you couldn’t spend two seconds to let me know you’d be late”, the wife could say, “hello darling, how are you?  how was your day?  What happened, how come you are so late, is everything all right” and show the husband you love him and forgive his lateness and forgive him for not calling or texting he will be late.  This will gently instruct him in the right way.  He will feel pleasure in coming home and not want to be late and he will miss his wife while he is not there and remember to call her to say he will be late.

What does law of kindness mean?

LAW/TEACHING = instruction, doctrine, regulation, direction, statute, law, teaching(torah), gently instructing or teaching someone, God patiently teaching us, e.g. if we react to a situation with kindness we will teach others how to be kind.  Our kind words will show others how to be kind. 

Even with children, we don’t have to talk angrily with a rough tone to children.  We can still talk with kindness, gently instructing them in the right way.  If we talk rudely to our children, they will learn how to be rude also.  If we talk to them with respect, they will learn how to be respectful. 

Even Jesus draws us with kindness not by pointing the finger

Give examples of women in the bible who are wise, who are kind: Abigail, Esther, Mary mother of Jesus...

Esther is a very good example of a woman who was wise and showed humility and kindness with her words and actions.  It’s a very easy book to read and I totally recommend everybody read it because it’s so easy to follow and it’s entertaining and a good enjoyable read.  We can learn a lot from Esther...

She had to go before the king in order to save her people and knew if she wasn’t careful, she could be killed.  She asked her people pray and fast for three days.  This is a good starting point.  Many women under stress/pressure will react immediately and end up saying something they shouldn’t.  Esther showed her wisdom by praying first and taking time to find a good strategy to talk to the king.  Most women are too quick to talk when they are feel fear/anxiety or anger.  E.g. the wife is rung by telecom to tell her that the account is $500 overdue.  She freaks out and goes into panic and immediately attacks the husband, “When did you make all these phone calls, why didn’t you tell me, how are we going to pay the bill, our phone will be cut off, we will have to use the grocery money and now we are going to be hungry....”  Esther could have rushed into the king with the fear of her people being destroyed but she took time to pray and find a good strategy first.  That is what we as Christians should always do.  Find the time to pray first and take time to find a good strategy once we have calmed down.

Esther found a good strategy by organising a banquet for her husband.  Her kind actions and humble nature with her nice words encouraged her husband to say, “tell me Esther what you need.” He was prepared to do anything for her because she was so gentle and humble.  When we find the right strategy, people will come to us and not run away from us.

Once asked, Esther spoke so graciously and so kindly and humbly; full of wisdom.  This is how Esther spoke in chapter 7: “If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it pleases the king, let my life be given me as my petition, and my people as my request; for we have been sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, to be killed and to be annihilated. Now if we had only been sold as slaves, men and women, I would have remained silent, for the trouble would not be commensurate with the annoyance to the king.”

Let’s learn from Esther and find the right way of talking to people with kindness, humility, gentleness. Let’s remember to pray, take time to find a good strategy, calm ourselves down first and only speak when we feel the person will be ready to hear it.